Would they transform me?

As she was losing her her mind, she lost her compass. She became paranoid about all the food and nursing care services she was receiving.

She asked very seriously, “Are they trying to transform me?”

“What do you mean, ‘transform’?” I asked.

“Would they transform me into an animal?” she said in all seriousness.

I assured her that they would not, but I knew that she was not convinced.

Later, at supper one day, when she would not eat her ice cream, and I, who had not had any supper, went to eat it in its soupy state, she stopped me saying:

“Don’t eat it, Kay! They will transform you, just as they have transformed me. Look at me!.”

Then conspiratorially, “You don’t think you could catch it from me, do you?”

Poor love. My poor angel love. To have such worries! How frightened she may have been, not knowing what was happening to her, nor knowing what would happen at death. In our family, ‘it just wasn’t done’, to talk about fears and doubts. One kept a stiff upper lip. One maintained one’s dignity. Who could one tell such soul troubling things to?

Only now do I think that she may have been wondering about reincarnation and whether or not she might come back in some other life form.


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